True enough :)

Ice breaker!

Most of the time, I am guilty of just convincing myself that I have forgiven and forgotten things just to get back what used to be good although I really haven't, I can't and I just wouldn't. I am also guilty of being too eager to learn doing things which he loves even if it means being in contrary with who I used to be. I'm guilty of overcompensating.

Despite the hectic schedule, I found some extra time to finish reading Sherry Argov's Why Men Love Bitches and caught myself in dire regret of being too much of a 'nice girl'. Through being too emotional, dependent, predictable, overcompensating (name it) I've lost the relationship and more importantly, myself, my own identity, my life. Overwhelmed of whatever it is that I have, that perfect relationship which I fantasized ever since, I became too unlovable and uninteresting. I would have never learned how terrible I was as a partner if not for the book. But, it's never too late :) Next time, I'll definitely be good.

Be that 'friend' he would always want to go out with, be that 'b-abe i-n t-otal c-ontrol of h-erself' he would always end up keeping, leave that nagger, too obsessed and irritatingly too malleable 'nice girl' outside of you.

To all the girls, keep in mind that overcompensation is a no-no! Don't be too infatuated on the thought of making your guy stay or even making him reciprocate everything that you do for him. Don't keep him at the center of your life expecting that he would do the same. Don't give too blindly, don't be too desperate. But be cautious not to over do it to the point of not caring at all. Being totally indifferent destroys the very purpose of having a relationship.

Valuing yourself more than anybody else is the key :) It's not enough that you leave 'a little' for yourself. You just deserve more and absolutely the best. :)

Why would you rather go?

Let's call it a day ;)

I was so shocked and speechless when I heard about the sudden death of one of my favorite professors this morning. She was one of the youngest, prettiest and coolest profs in AB. I will never forget how she amazingly leaves smiles on our faces during our classes through her punchlines and crazy stories. She'll surely be missed. :(

My last semester started just today yet I've got so many things to read and accomplish already :( I just want to share about how my LocGov prof had inspired me this day!:)

He talked about living life by the moment. I came to realize how essential it is to treasure what's being offered at the present. We should not fritter away our time lingering to the past or planning everything for the future. Nobody's staying with you for life. Nothing's gonna be there forever. We just have to discover how to enjoy things while they are still there, while you are still capable of perceiving them.

Well, the only thing I am sure of is that we are all given an indefinite time here on earth so let's learn to appreciate the goodness in everything and enjoy life. :)

Enough of being strong

Ugh, I have to admit. I still am not ready to forget everything. I tried so hard, I really did. Unlucky enough, now, I still find myself caring about him and going crazy over his smiles.

I don't know til when will I be like this. And one thing is for sure, I won't get myself committed again without totally getting him out of my system. For now, I do not really care how many years could be put into waste waiting for him or at least for the feelings to just vanish. I think I just have to wait for the perfect moment for us, if ever there is..for surely, this isn't ours yet.

Hayy, let's face it. When you fall deeply, you just can't stop. You just can't let go and move on.

How I wish everyone could feel for me. I really wish they do understand. Or I think, it will be better to stop chasing for people who really cares and could actually comprehend but instead just do whatever it is that I think is right and yes, just go!

All is well :)

Last two weeks, I've been into a break up.

We've been together for almost three years. We've come through petty fights, we hated each other several times, we had overnight breakups, we've done silly things, we at times look dumb and stupid together, and we love each other so much. We stayed together for years because there's so much love to give, stories to tell and moments to share. We know how to understand even the vague-est statement or gesture. We know how to say sorry. We were true to each other. For me, he's the awesomest guy on earth, for him, I was the most gorgeous woman alive (maybe, next to his mom). He tells me I'm pretty when I look exhausted. He encourages me to smile when I burst into tears. He kissed gently. He respected me. He holds my hand when we're with his friends. He refuses to hug or kiss me in public even whenever I ask him to. He had always been my priority while I was at the bottom of his list. He gets ashamed when I talk and laugh loudly. He loves to watch movies with me even if he gets annoyed when I predict the next scenes of the film. He wasn't used to texting me before going to bed even if he knows I can't sleep without him wishing me a good sleep. He tells me straight to my face how much he hates what I wear even if I feel so pretty with how I look. He was the meanest guy I've known but I never felt offended. I wear shorts even if he doesn't want me to. I drink and gets drunk more often than him. Even if he hates it, I go home late and stay over night with my friends. I'm not pretty or even the most intelligent but he's proud of me. I'm skinny but I got a bigger-than-what-I-should-have tummy but he thinks I'm sexy. He hates it when I don't talk when I'm mad but he patiently asks me what's wrong. I was the most stubborn person but he loves me :)

I found a boyfriend, bestfriend, a brother and even a sister in him.

But maybe, through time, love just fades away.

When we said goodbye, though it wasn't the first, I cried hard and I just can't accept the fact that I've given my best, I've tried hard to make him fall for me everyday, I never got tired of understanding his excuses but still it's meeting its end. Maybe, this is just what happens when you see breaking up as an option or an escape to the struggles you both are facing. Maybe, this is the best thing to happen if the other party is not willing to exert some effort to make the relationship work. Maybe this happens if you don't meet your partner halfway...Maybe this is what we need.

But I'm not sad right now. Two weeks had passed and I feel better and stronger. I feel happy. I believe, happiness is something internal. I don't have to be dependent on somebody to be happy. Yes, women need men in their lives, I attest to that. But women don't need somebody who makes them feel they are unworthy of some love.

I was just glad, we've met. Relationships don't last long but good memories do. Thank you! :)

And for two weeks, I found myself being sooo eager to find some new ways of knowing myself. I want to know why my past relationships did not work out, I want to figure out what's wrong in me. Now, Ive earned how to go on without the one who inspires me to get up early in the morning and the one who causes sweet dreams every night. For two weeks, I've discovered so much about myself. I learned how to smile more often, I had a closer relationship with God, my family and my great friends,

and yes, I learned how to live.