StiqeeNotes

#yeahrandom

2012-01-09T05:32:00.000-08:00

That wounding feeling of being the option, of being just the second best when you know you deserve the best..just sucks. :|

I can be just perfectly happy with my life if I choose to. I can't really comprehend why I keep on chasing for that person who doesn't even give a damn fair fight; he who can't even tell straight to my face if he loves me or not.

I want to get over him but I can't take a step. :| Everyone's out there tryna help me but I refuse to grab a hand. :| :|:|:|:|

Somebody's there for me, willing to give all he can just to make me feel great, however, I still feel not too sure. What I'm sure of is that, one must heal herself first so that she could be more than prepared to fall and be hurt again. And maybe by now, time is really all i need.

#yeahrandom

True enough :)

2011-12-20T07:39:00.000-08:00

Ice breaker!

2011-12-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

Most of the time, I am guilty of just convincing myself that I have forgiven and forgotten things just to get back what used to be good although I really haven't, I can't and I just wouldn't. I am also guilty of being too eager to learn doing things which he loves even if it means being in contrary with who I used to be. I'm guilty of overcompensating.

Despite the hectic schedule, I found some extra time to finish reading Sherry Argov's Why Men Love Bitches and caught myself in dire regret of being too much of a 'nice girl'. Through being too emotional, dependent, predictable, overcompensating (name it) I've lost the relationship and more importantly, myself, my own identity, my life. Overwhelmed of whatever it is that I have, that perfect relationship which I fantasized ever since, I became too unlovable and uninteresting. I would have never learned how terrible I was as a partner if not for the book. But, it's never too late :) Next time, I'll definitely be good.

Be that 'friend' he would always want to go out with, be that 'b-abe i-n t-otal c-ontrol of h-erself' he would always end up keeping, leave that nagger, too obsessed and irritatingly too malleable 'nice girl' outside of you.

To all the girls, keep in mind that overcompensation is a no-no! Don't be too infatuated on the thought of making your guy stay or even making him reciprocate everything that you do for him. Don't keep him at the center of your life expecting that he would do the same. Don't give too blindly, don't be too desperate. But be cautious not to over do it to the point of not caring at all. Being totally indifferent destroys the very purpose of having a relationship.

Valuing yourself more than anybody else is the key :) It's not enough that you leave 'a little' for yourself. You just deserve more and absolutely the best. :)

Why would you rather go?

2011-12-03T07:28:00.000-08:00

Let's call it a day ;)

2011-11-10T05:52:00.000-08:00

I was so shocked and speechless when I heard about the sudden death of one of my favorite professors this morning. She was one of the youngest, prettiest and coolest profs in AB. I will never forget how she amazingly leaves smiles on our faces during our classes through her punchlines and crazy stories. She'll surely be missed. :(

My last semester started just today yet I've got so many things to read and accomplish already :( I just want to share about how my LocGov prof had inspired me this day!:)

He talked about living life by the moment. I came to realize how essential it is to treasure what's being offered at the present. We should not fritter away our time lingering to the past or planning everything for the future. Nobody's staying with you for life. Nothing's gonna be there forever. We just have to discover how to enjoy things while they are still there, while you are still capable of perceiving them.

Well, the only thing I am sure of is that we are all given an indefinite time here on earth so let's learn to appreciate the goodness in everything and enjoy life. :)

Enough of being strong

2011-11-03T05:06:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I have to admit. I still am not ready to forget everything. I tried so hard, I really did. Unlucky enough, now, I still find myself caring about him and going crazy over his smiles.

I don't know til when will I be like this. And one thing is for sure, I won't get myself committed again without totally getting him out of my system. For now, I do not really care how many years could be put into waste waiting for him or at least for the feelings to just vanish. I think I just have to wait for the perfect moment for us, if ever there is..for surely, this isn't ours yet.

Hayy, let's face it. When you fall deeply, you just can't stop. You just can't let go and move on.

How I wish everyone could feel for me. I really wish they do understand. Or I think, it will be better to stop chasing for people who really cares and could actually comprehend but instead just do whatever it is that I think is right and yes, just go!